Please stop sending us Magic 8-Ball Questions!

NOTE: Believe it or not, I wrote this post (unedited and all) while at work. Why? When your team gets banned from doing anything else, you're bound to resort to something. And this post essentially just popped out of my ass. OK, enough rant. Let's start.


Here we are, my team being punished because we think so high of ourselves.

For a minute there, I thought that my team is so fucking metal, we kick every other team's arses.

Then reality kicked us right in the stomach and shouted in our ears that we're only human.

No playing, no loud chitchatting (sic), no searching. 'No playing' I can endure, I don't play games much anyway, even when I'm bored and on the verge of... well, I'll leave that to your imagination. 'No loud chitchatting' I can handle, I mean, I'm not much of a chatter anyway; I prefer to be silent. But no searching!? Damn, that's the only thing I'm doing whenever there's not a texter around asking some stupid Magic 8-Ball question.

Which brings us to the topic of this 'blog' 'post', which will be deleted an hour later because I have to take a 15-minute break.

Ever had a Magic 8-Ball? Me neither. I never had one, simply because I have no knowledge of its existence. But I've seen it countless times in movies, on TV, read in books, hell, even played in video games. This little plastic ball, made to look like an 8-ball seen in a game of billiards, is filled with liquid and has some weirdly-shaped dice-like thing that has writings on it, that every time you ask a 'yes' or 'no' question, you shake it, then some answer pops out, hence the name.

I remember our trainer/DJ, Aaron/CutterJ, mention something about this text service being treated by most people as some new-fangled 'Magic 8-Ball'. Truer words have never been spoken. Because right now, most of the questions we receive are almost always in this format:

"Will Amanda ever love me?"

"Will I be rich in the future?"

"Does this blouse make me look chubbier than I already am, because I'm a stupid, fat, lazy fuck who does nothing but sit around eating junk food and whatnot, debating useless, pointless stuff on Internet message boards, and giving some reed-thin geekazoid from Cambodia a righteous '+99 silver staff of the moon' of smiting?"

The first few times you get these types of questions, you're like "OK, maybe they just need somebody to talk to", but later on, you'll get so fucking annoyed that these people think that we do know everything. Wow! Like we have security cameras wired on every street, every house, even in your fucking bathtub, in all of the 50 states!

Then again, when your text line guarantees people that we can be asked ANY question, you know you're gonna expect the worst of society: racists, haters, or the just plain stupid.

But hey, thank God Almighty I have a job. And these people are paying me to fill their apparently empty heads with some fluff that I only know too damn well that they'll shit it out eventually.